Didn't Say
(La La La La La)

single
(not yet released on any album)

click to enlarge

I wrote Didn't Say in 1986 (when I was 29), as part of an unreleased album, Souls on Fire (which also included No Cares and Heart So Wise). It's my favorite song from that album. My songwriting craft continued to evolve (until 1986, the last year I actively wrote songs), and this song is overflowing with musical ideas and creative lyrics.

• STORY / LYRICS
• MUSIC
• COVER ART

STORY / LYRICS

Didn't Say (La La La La La) — The song's title (and subtitle) summarize the song in a nutshell. A man falls in love with a woman. He professes his love for her ("I feel you in my life as freedom I've not felt before") and invites her into a relationship with him. Her response: "But she didn't even say a thing" (the song's title is drawn from this). We could take this literally, as a description of a single moment. However, if we look at the whole song, we see that it is describing an extended period where they are spending time with each other and enjoying each other's company, and any time he tries to talk to her about a fuller relationship, she dodges his questions.

At some point, the guy discovers (presumably not because she told him, hence the word, "discovered") she is in a relationship with someone else, but that relationship may be a bad one. ("He just loved what he could hold": he treats her like a possession, not an intimate.) So that is the crux of her dilemma, and the reason for her "silence". He has fallen in love with her and wants a fuller relationship. She is in a bad relationship, and is enjoying his company very much, but is hesitant or reluctant to go further (e.g., she may be afraid to let go of her current relationship, for various reasons, even though it is not good).

So whenever he raises the question of "more" between them (which is especially clear as the song ends: "Why do I love you? Tell me why!" "Are you my lover, or are you not?" "Will you come love me, or will you not?") the song has her replying "La la la la la" — in other words, no real reply, changing the subject ("The sky is a pretty blue today, don't you think?"), dodging his questions ("Would you like a cup of tea?"), making a joke of his seriousness ("You're so serious! Let's go to the movies!"), etc. She's desperate not to have to make a decision, and have to lose something valuable (either what she needs in her current relationship, or what she has with her new lover). So this is the secret behind her enigmatic, "Mona Lisa" replies. She's not playing mind games with him or teasing him. Rather — she's in a terrible double-bind.

* * *

A few other things I find interesting about the story/lyrics:

• I love the actual craft of lyric-writing, including crafting good rhymes. So I enjoyed creating the double rhyme at the end of these lines:
  Then I watched it break apart. . .
  Then I let her take my heart.
  
  Other interesting/unusual/humorous rhymes I enjoyed creating:
  And when I discovered
  He and she were lovered
  
  I wanted to say "Buster,
  Is that all you can muster
  
  Now I'm waiting
  For more relating
  
  
• The questions, "Are you my lover, or are you not?" and "Will you come love me, or will you not?" were inspired by that old game of love, "She loves me, she loves me not", where one picks petals off flowers with each phrase, letting the last petal decide which it will be.
  
  
• I intended this song to be something of a "romantic comedy". Obviously the "dialog" between the man and the woman at the end of the song has a touch of the comic. (I was thinking of the dialogues in romantic comedy movies with Doris Day, where she was so incredibly good at avoiding certain topics, with a completely straight face and innocent voice.) But in other places throughout the song, I also use comic words and phrases, like:
  I wanted to say, "Buster,
  is that all you can muster
  when you're hitched to a pot of gold?"
  or the humourously "out-of-fashion" word, "swing" in:
  Still I knew
  she knew deep down
  we could swing.
  Just so, the lyrics:
  If my lips come and seek you
  beneath your eyes so soulful,
  will you let me
  stay a while?
  are a humorously indirect and poetic way of saying: "May I kiss you?"
  
  

MUSIC

The original version — The original 1986 version (a recording whose audio quality is not very good):

contained many of the musical ideas in the current arrangement — but they were all compressed into a single synthesizer. I've unpacked them into a full arrangement with electric piano, piano, guitar, bass guitars, strings, drums, and vocal harmonies.

The Chorus — The Chorus is the high point of the song: it is where the man professes his love, and also where you can feel how much they enjoy being together.

The first part of the Chorus:
I feel you
in my life
as freedom I've not felt before.
We're changing
the same way.
Come closer —
we can grow some more.
is done in a Fifties style, with the harmonies of that era, to reflect the simplicity and directness of his profession of love to her. You can hear her voice joining him in this section.

The second part of the Chorus is my favorite musical part of this song:
I think I see you
hiding in the corner
of your little pouting smile.
If my lips come and seek you
beneath your eyes so soulful,
will you let me
stay a while?

The music in this section just floats. (And there also is a sweet violin melody accompanying this section.) It as though, at least for a brief time, they are set free from all other concerns, and are able to simply enjoy each other in a private heaven of their own, floating above the clouds. Here the "La La La La La"s in the background (sung by both of them) have no meaning but the sheer enjoyment of each other's company, for which no words are necessary. Or you might say (as the Delfonics sing in their 1968 song), in this part, the "La La La La La"s mean, "I love you".

The Post-Chorus and the Close — But then things come crashing down in the Post-Chorus:
But she didn't even say a thing.
The bass line literally falls:

Despite his disappointment that she's not immediately responding in kind, the man is still hopeful, knowing that she does want to be with him:
Still I knew
she knew deep down
we could swing.

At the close of the song, the Pre-Chorus is extended. In addition to the same lyrics being sung as before, now there is also an unusual "dialog" occurring between the man and the woman:

Would you like a cup of tea? (click image to enlarge)

Things are coming to a head. The man is letting the woman know he wants more, and she is desperately trying to avoid having to make a decision, wanting instead to just enjoy what they do have together.

Not surprisingly this is followed by the musical explosion at the very end of the song, reflecting an emotional release of their combined delight and frustration. Their temporary heaven together cannot last, and something is going to have to give very soon.

Each of the three times the man is asking his question, and the woman dodging it, there are two electric guitar lines, one accompanying his question, and one accompanying her non-reply, meant to "mirror" the dialog, one guitar line "asking", and the other "dodging" a real answer:

Thanks, Abby! — I've worked with singer, Abby Strickland, on another of my songs (Space Girl 2), and loved what she could do with her voice, and how her voice complemented mine. So naturally, I thought of her when it came to doing all the female vocals for Didn't Say. I love what she did! Both her singing and the delightfully comic touch that she adds to her spoken words at the end of the song. This song would have a big hole in it without her contributions.

One of the most enjoyable vocal experiments that Abby enabled was 8-part harmony: 4 female parts from her and 4 male parts from me. The Close of the song is a blast of 8-part harmony:

Here is a more extended illustration, where I've left out the lead vocals so you can hear the 8-part harmonies in the background:

* * *

A few other things I find interesting about the music:

• Right after the first Chorus, there is absolute silence for a moment. Then begin the words of the Post-Chorus:
  But she didn't even say a thing.
  The preceding musical silence reinforces that point, leaving the question ("If my lips come and seek you beneath your eyes so soulful, will you let me stay a while?") hanging in the silence.
  
  
  
  
  
• Each of the three Pre-Choruses pose a problem, which is accompanied by somewhat ominous chords. ("As her smile was curling, I felt my world whirling. . . Then I watched it break apart." "And when I discovered she and he were lovered but he just loved what he could hold." "She may think I'm scheming, or maybe only dreaming, mistrusting things that grow too fast.") But in each case, a transformation occurs, and the problem is resolved. The music reflects this, turning upbeat and leading into the simple profession of love in the Chorus.
  
  
• The song has the subtitle, "La La La La La", because the song has two moods, with "La La La La La" meaning something different in each mood. In the Chorus, the "La La La La La"s are background vocals that are expressions of the delight they feel together. In the Extended Post-Chorus, the "La La La La La"s are the woman saying and doing anything to avoid having to make a painful decision of choosing between two relationships. I should add: The "La La La La La"s didn't exist in the original 1986 version of the song. I added them (and the Extended Post-Chorus dialog between the man and the woman) because I felt they strengthened the song, making even clearer (and in a humorous way) what was going on between them, and what exactly was meant by "But she didn’t even say a thing".

COVER ART

The opening lyrics of Didn't Say reflect how the woman's looks were wordlessly communicating her character, thoughts, and feelings:

Deep brown eyes —
like holes, they drew me
in. . .
what was inside?
Watching me.
I knew near them,
I can't hide.

As her smile was curling,
I felt my world whirling. . .
Then I watched it break apart.
Suddenly I knew me. . .
Through her eyes, I saw through me.
Then I let her take my heart.

I wanted an image for the cover art that would perfectly capture the image I had in my mind as I'm singing the first two verses.

I finally found what I was looking for, and that's what you see in the cover art above.

I'll let her have the final word. . .

"What didn't I say?"